Along with many others, I watched Downton Abbey on Sunday night and felt so totally appalled when poor Lady Edith Crawley was abandoned at the alter. To many, this is just light entertainment, but I could not help but think of that moment as being so life changing for her in her world. Of course we live in a very different set of values today, but the human heart is still what it is. When you form an emotional engagement with a person, even one that looks against all odds, the failure of that engagement and the second guessing that follows is a major source of racing mind thinking, sleepless nights and profound inner feelings of failure. The moods and feelings that surround relationship failure are often played down, ignored, or carried with guilt and shame locking a person into a belief of doomed existence.
Abandonment in its many forms has profound effects on person that often last a lifetime. There is that constant question but, why, why, why. Often the truth is there is no real why. It is funny how we sometimes feel we have to pay the price for somebody else's behavior and decisions. The real trick to feeling better about people that have left your life when perhaps you did not expect or want it, is that it is 'their stuff' not yours.
The more you can come to accept that people in your life have their own emotional caravan of baggage and sometimes that blocks them from having with you the relationship that you both hoped for. Don’t become the victim of somebody else's history.
Depression thrives on unanswered and unanswerable questions about relationship anomalies and can leave you feeling you are in an untenable relationship with yourself. The negative racing of the emotional mind game of 'who dun it' leads to emotional exhaustion, anxiety, and panic.
It's not the end of the world if you make a poor choice. It is going to be the end of emotional and mental good health if you keep making poor choices. As for other people’s choices, like Lady Edith there was no choice, she became the recipient of another person’s decision. How she moves through it will determine her future happiness. How you move through "the stuff" that comes into your life will determine your happiness too.