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Defeating an Emotional Terrorist

Friday, 28 August 2015 00:00  by Kristi C.

In light of the upcoming holidays and the current global political unrest, the government of the United States has raised the threat level significantly for all holiday celebrations. The government has conceded that there are credible threats to safety and advised heightened awareness of suspicious activities, as political tensions remain strained. While global and domestic terrorists are very real, encountering one is, in reality, not nearly as probable as you might think. It is more likely that you already an emotional terrorist. In fact, one may already be part of your family and they are more dangerous to you than any foreign terror threats.

In a relationship, an emotional terrorist is someone who is constantly harassing you, hurting you, humiliating you, demeaning you, pressuring you, or taking pleasure in your pain. These relationships can be at home, work, or school and can be between you and your boss, family, lover, friends, or life partner. Relationships with emotional terrorists are exhausting and draining. They reduce your self-esteem and make you question your worth. They can lead to anxiety, severe depression, and even substance abuse. If you are in a relationship with an emotional terrorist and you choose to stay in that relationship you are validating and feeding that destructive behavior at the cost of your own mental health.

Many people are capable of recognizing a destructive relationship and leaving it behind. Others who have experienced an emotional trauma, an emotional breakage, or even just lack self-esteem may remain in these relationships because they do not recognize abusive behavior. They may feel that they do not deserve better treatment. These people may not realize that they are worthy of healthy love and respect. They are stuck because the irrational energy of the dysfunctional relationship matches the low level of their own self-esteem. They refuse to believe in themselves so they remain, trapped by their own doubt. They do not recognize that the outside world is mirroring what is going on inside them. If you project low self-esteem, the world will reciprocate with a lack of respect.

You do not have to stay trapped, though. There is a way out. If you are in a relationship where your partner doesn’t love you, the first thing to examine is your relationship with yourself. If you love yourself, it is impossible to remain with an unloving partner. A long-term relationship with an emotional terrorist is a testimonial to how bad your relationship with your self really is. If you are ready to disarm your emotional terrorist, you are at the right place. I can provide you with the outline of a plan if you are ready to act.

First, examine your relationship with yourself and others. Any and all low quality relationships should be abandoned. If you are in immediate danger, leave now to protect your self. Seek out a safe shelter and ask for help. There are organizations willing to help ensure your safety. You just have to be willing to ask for help. If you are not in danger and you truly feel that the relationship is worth saving, then you need to understand that an emotional terrorist lives on the energy they drain for you. They are like a parasite feeding on your blood. Stop feeding them. They are sick in their own way and if you truly care for them, suggest gently that they may need to seek assistance.

If your instincts are continually warning you away from someone, you probably need to reexamine your relationship with them. Where there is fear, trust and love cannot exist. Take your feeling seriously. Fear is very seldom unfounded. It is an instinctual signal that something is wrong. Know that emotional terrorists are persistent and reluctant to let their victims go but you do not have to stay in that relationship. You have the power to leave . . . even if you need help to accomplish that task. Nobody deserves to stay in a relationship with an emotional terrorist.

Second, decide whom to trust. Either trust yourself or find a positive influence to trust. If you are unsure, reach out to an impartial third party such as a counselor, support group, or a church member. It is okay to need emotional support while you learn to trust yourself again. It is okay to work with a professional to rediscover how wonder you are.

Finally, make a commitment to never be in a relationship with an emotional terrorist again. It is not your responsibility to feed them or to cure them. Focus on building up yourself and hold others to YOUR standards. You were meant to be loved. Never forget that and never compromise that ultimate truth. You are valuable. While the world situation can be volatile, you can protect yourself at home from dysfunctional relationships by demanding respect from those around you.

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