I’ve taken some risks in my lifetime that I probably shouldn’t have. Well, I know I shouldn’t have done the things that risked my safety or my health to varying degrees. Riding at 100 mph on the back of a motorcycle with my friend Gino at age 16 was definitely ignorant. Jumping off the cliffs into the river in Nashville and tearing the earrings out of my ears was less dangerous but still foolish.
As much of a risk taker as I feel I used to be, it’s funny that now, being a Mom and being older, I am terrified of risks. After suffering from depression and anxiety since my brother’s suicide and my divorce, risk is threatening to me and I crave safety and security. I’ll never swim in the ocean again after seeing frequent videos on Facebook of sharks off the beaches of my hometown. I sold my motorcycle. I won’t ride extreme rollercoasters anymore no matter what safety systems are in place! I don’t even like scary movies now.
But there is another kind of risk that scares me just as much and that is healthy risk. Having had unhealthy relationships in the past, the risk of new relationships frightens me. I find myself wanting to isolate but at the same time, not wanting to be alone. As we break out of old patterns, healthy risk is necessary. Once we use our skills to determine that something is in fact healthy for us, trying that new thing and being out of our comfort zone can be scary. But knowing that happiness is attainable, we can start small, one little risk at a time.