I have always struggled with my self-esteem when it comes to body image. I remember when I was in high school, feeling like I was overweight. Now looking back at those pictures, I long to be the presumed “overweight” that I thought myself to be!!! Various things have attributed to my unhealthy lifestyle (and perception of myself) over the years. I won’t get into that right now…those are topics for another blog! Regardless of the cause, the effect is that the number on the scale (and size of my waistband) has been climbing steadily.
I’ve found the biggest spike has occurred recently, following a dramatic transition in my life in the form of an out-of-state move. After living 30 years in the same area, this transition became detrimental for my weight. Now living in a new area with no friends, I became depressed and my introverted nature consumed me. I surrounded myself with the only comfort of familiarity that I had left...my possessions and food. I enjoy baking, so I would find comfort in whipping up one of my (recently deceased) grandmother’s recipes, somehow making me feel connected to her again. I cherished the times that I would come home from school to find that my mom made chocolate chip cookies (my favorite), so I tried to recreate the feeling with eating an obscene amount of fresh-baked cookies. When family was coming to visit, I would plead with them to bring my favorite foods so even long after they left, I’d still have a piece of home that I could enjoy. Needless to say, my unhealthy “stress eating” (or emotional eating) had gotten out of control.
I’m still nowhere near where I want to be, but I am a work in progress. Like everyone, I have my weaknesses and deficiencies. Food addiction is one of mine. It feels good to make that claim and it’s something that I’ve needed to do for years. I suppose it’s as good a place to start as any!
If you have an addiction, emotional illness, dependency, or any unhealthy behaviors, find someone to talk to about it! Whatever it is that you are dealing with, you do not have to walk through it alone!