Items filtered by date: August 2009
Monday, 21 September 2009 04:46

Sleep, Sleep... Please Let Me Sleep...

I had times when I just could not sleep. It was some of my most fearful times. I would go to bed hoping I would be able to fall into some kind of slumber and sometimes I would fall to sleep only to find myself awake at 1am with my mind racing about all kinds of things. I just wanted my mind to stop working so I could experience the pleasure of just one good nights sleep. It just kept alluding me.

I tried everything but there I would be night after night wide awake. I felt so alone and things I would think of I could do nothing about. How memories plagued me. I would feel so much more afraid than I did in the day light.

Why, oh why, could I not just close my eyes and be asleep. I would feel exhausted in the day time but would get through the day. Yet I just knew when it came time to go to bed the struggle would start all over again. I felt so angry that this terrible torture would start every night but I could not find the answer.

No I did not have a sleep disorder. I did all the tests for that. It was so depressing and debilitating. I felt like I was walking dead in the day time. I started not to be able to feel anything at all in the day time but at night I could not stop my mind racing.

You cannot function in any meaningful way when you don't sleep. I was afraid to take sleeping aids as I had heard so many stories of women who developed other difficulties as a result of that.

I finally knew I had to get help processing my trauma and fears because they were the reason I could not sleep. I learned about sleep hygiene and that my thoughts had to be peaceful for me to achieve at least some quality sleep every night. When a woman has emotional breakage she often does not know why she cannot sleep. It is a process to understand what it is that is keeping you awake. Some people have medical conditions which can be correctly treated medically so as to restore sleep. I was not one of those.

I am so grateful today that I sleep every night and don't prowl around in the dark waiting for the next disaster to happen. If this happens to you do not give up. Take the time to find out what the source of your night time discomfort is through a therapeutic process and see if you can get a sleep pattern re-established. Talking to a professional therapist may help you more than you know. You may need a little pharmaceutical support for a time.

Don't just spend night after night in racing thoughts and imaginings that may never happen. Get a medical diagnosis to rule either in or out any medical disorder you might have.

Some women just need a complete break from the demands of life to process and re-establish a sleeping balance again.

Sleeping is a healthy gift. If you have lost the gift of sleep don't just accept that is the way things are always going to be. Check all the therapies that might work for you.

Try not to use unhealthy methods to sleep such as alcohol. This will perpetuate the cycle.

Sleep can be regained.

Published in Brookhaven Blog
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Tuesday, 01 September 2009 14:56

Cyber Tactics… Can They Kill You?

The last 10 years or so has produced a communication change of such phenomenal proportion. Lots of two dimensional responsiveness that has almost made body language become out of date, eye to eye contact an occasional expectation and the development of a good strong handshake something of times past.

Over the last couple of years I have had a number of friends who have become victims of cyber bullying, but the fact is that it does not just remain bullying. One of my friends was embarking on a divorce when she suddenly started to receive a barrage of hate email from all kinds of email addresses. Turns out this was orchestrated by the would be ex to get the wife to just agree to the divorce terms.

This was very hurtful, but what it started was a whole cycle of self doubt. The whole matter got completely out of hand, and before anybody knew how serious it was, my friend had taken an overdose. The mental and emotional damage took a person to a distorted place that made them feel that they just did not want to get up. This person was already trying to manage bipolar, which does not need anything to mess with its curve cycle.

Now we have these undisclosed bloggers who write anything they want about another person with seeming little consequence. Although, in the news recently, we have seen Google "man-up" the identity.

In the past people had to sign their names to things they said about another person so that person could defend themselves. No such privilege in the "blog sphere". Who wants or chooses to afford to go all through the legal process it takes to bring the rampant writers to heel?

I have another friend who always says, "Because you can does not mean you should." I have taken that to heart, because when people do things to others just because they can and accountability and consequences are easy to hide from, often things that you don't expect happen.

We know that jealousy and revenge are two great motivators, and when those feelings are unleashed who knows what might happen. However the new arsenal of cyber weaponry which plays with the mind and the feelings is not a healthy thing to mixed up in.

If you feel tempted and angry and you just want to send a message to the whole world about a person, think twice, as there are more and more people who are going to fight back. My mother always told me to ask myself, before I spoke, whether what I was about to say was wise, kind and necessary. If it wasn't one of those three, be careful.

I work with women that have become paralyzed with fear from cyber bullying and have barely missed death by taking their own lives from the extreme anxiety this creates. One situation I knew about was a story of a woman who revealed some intimate secret about her husband's sexuality to a few friends. One of them chose to blog about it. The husband found out and allowed his brothers to rape his wife to teach her a lesson. You can only contemplate how mentally sick all parties involved have become from this.

Who will regulate cyberspace remains to be seen. You, on the other hand, can regulate yourself.

If you are experiencing something frightening that is making you feel overwhelmed, do not let it get out of control. Seek professional help to manage yourself safely out of the situation.

Published in Brookhaven Blog
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