Tuesday, 24 November 2009 12:27

Stuffing, Stuffing and More Stuffing!

Written by Pat
Okay, I'm sitting here surrounded by piles and piles of crumpled note paper. I have got to get this menu finalized. The only consistent item on each page is the turkey and now after talking to Gretchen, the official health nut in the family I'm not really sure if I should do an organic turkey or a regular turkey. To be honest with you I want lasagna! Now that will go over like a ton of bricks! I can see it now, all eyes glued to my beautiful covered roaster and voila! Lasagna. Yeah, that'll teach'em!!!

Get back to reality Miriam. If you don't want heart attacks, World War III or a threat of divorce you need to get focused. Pies, cranberry sauce, stuffing, stuffing and more stuffing!!!!!!

Oh my goodness is it 25 or 26 counting uncle Joe's new wife's brother? Wait a minute that doesn't include the kids' table! Maybe I should do little lighted scarecrows for their table!

Every year I ask myself why my house? You know why Miriam! " Oh Miriam, we can't wait to see what theme you're going to use this year, you are so crafty", " Miriam we love it when you have the little surprise gifts at each place setting", " "Hey, Miriam you make a mean spice punch." "Oh my gosh, is this house really 10,000 square feet"?

You know what the problem is, Miriam can't say no. She is overwhelmed and unappreciated. She really wants this year to be different. For some reason she takes on this paramount task right after Halloween to make sure her family feels like they could be experiencing the first Thanksgiving at Plymouth Rock. Complete with all the food and fanfare. Before the evening is over and once the family drama surfaces no one is sure if a lot of giving of thanks is involved in the Thanksgiving celebration.

Miriam spends way too much on decorations and the caterer then hides the receipts from her husband.

She calls and invites family members who constantly remind her husband that he is way too good for her and why doesn't she get a job already!

She buys magazine after magazine looking for the best decorating ideas trying to be more over the top than last year.

She doesn't call her favorite cousin and invite her because her husband's sister can't stand her.

She does have to invite her husband's nephew who always shows up smashed with a case of

cheap champagne.

She prays that all four of her children will come, but she's not quite sure about Matt, her oldest whom they haven't heard from in weeks since he dropped out of law school and his dad told him he was a disgrace to the family.

Of course her husband's personal assistant, Meagan will be there. Good old Meagan, who always looks like she just stepped out of a photo shoot. She never fails to capture everyone's attention with one tale after another about how she managed to get my husband through yet another crisis while on their latest business trip. Nope, she doesn't have to call her. For some reason Meagan has a personal invitation to all of their family functions lately. I bet she can't make a mean spice punch!

This last thought reminds her that she has exactly two hours, to drink the last bit of her weekly stash before her husband gets home. She only buys enough for the week. She keeps telling herself, "this way I can keep tabs on it, whatever that means." It sounds good!

The Thanksgiving holiday is days away. No one sees the anxious days and nights of preparation. No one sees the self –loathing and Miriam's desperate need to feel accepted. No one sees the empty wine bottles that have to go out in the special trashcan at the end of the week.

This holiday season say no to others outrageous expectations, take time out for yourself, realize you can't fix the world, pace yourself, and most importantly seek professional help if you become overwhelmed.

Last modified on Saturday, 09 October 2010 21:38
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