Don’t judge somebody who takes their life

It has taken me many years to be able to talk about this and it took my mother many years to tell me what happened.

As a young child my mother told us our father had had a shooting accident. There was no reason to question her. As I got older I wanted to know more about it and really did not know the full truth until I was 30.

My father had taken his life under the influence of alcohol after a disappointment. A young man with a lovely wife and a family of young children.

He could not have possible thought of what that was going to mean for everybody else that was left alive after the event.

I have often wondered what his state of mind was when that took place as I look at the photo’s of this happy handsome man. Things happen to people that simple make them feel hopeless and depressed. When a person gets into that mind spinning place they just cannot manage the feeling it has generated so it makes then just want to sleep. To just escape from the racing thoughts that seem to have so much fear attached to them.

When a person feels this way and even expresses it please know it is serious.

Today it is very easy to die. Many people know they are unwell and get help from a doctor to try to stabilize the mood. The trouble is people start adjusting their medications, some have prescriptions for several doctors each not knowing that several doctors are being seen.
When the feeling becomes overwhelming it is easy to just take too much. However when it’s over it’s over and there is no coming back.

I have known very lovely and wonderful people who have just become that overwhelmed with hopelessness that the only option they could see was to take this course. If only they could have got the help they needed to be processed and helped to have what had become distorted thinking moved to another emotionally healthy place.

Nobody can ever know what is going on in somebody’s mind when this happens or could have thought they would actually go through with it. The guilt and shame that is left for others afterwards can lead them to becoming ill also.

If you are feeling this way please reach out for help. It is usually a combination of events and experiences that have happened that have led to this deep depression, some things are almost impossible for you to talk about. By taking time out and being in a safe place you can find the opportunity ant the tools to move forward. For many of our sad losses if they had had the clinical help they had needed things could have been very different.

For me today I believe my father was a wonderful man who for whatever reason had become lost and in his lostness just reacted. I do not believe he is less a person because of what happened. I just want other lost people to know that they can get the help they need to rebuild their self esteem and confidence and to process trauma and events that are just leaving them emotionally dead.

For me I have come to an acceptance that this was not an act of abandonment or rejection or a statement of not loving me. At that moment he was just not able to love himself.

Please, if you hear anybody you are close to speaking in a way that indicates they may take their life. Get them to a safe place immediately.


Comments (3)

AnonymousSeptember 27th, 2009 at 1:41 pm

im so sorry…my father took his life when i was 18….3 days after graduation…i suffer from major depression and lately have thought i would be better off to just go to sleep and never wake again…i am terrified i dont want to die nor do i want my kids to have to live with that same pain……i have been on to many meds to name….. i juust want some relief

AnonymousSeptember 30th, 2009 at 11:14 am

I feel exactly the way you do. This depression just makes me feel like going to sleep and not waking up but I do not want to die. That feeling is hard for a lot of people to understand.

AnonymousOctober 13th, 2009 at 11:56 pm

This hit home for me. I too attempted to take my own life. Everyone says I was “selfisish” and what was i thinking. The thing is when you get so low you dont think of any one else. I was done. I was tired of the pain and trying to deal with it. I did try to reach out but i got nothing. One person tried to help but I was “helpless”. It’s funny that people can sit there and judge someone that has taken their own life or attempted to take their own life. The thing is you dont know what it’s like untill you have been there. You can sit back and tell them they were wrong for doing it. But , unitll you have been that low and you have been there you DONT know what you are talking about. You have no idea what it’s like to try and cope with what just happend then people to try and tell you, you were wrong. All you need at this point is someone to love you. You should be remined every day how happy they are you are still alive. It’s a healing process for everyone, the person who commited or attempted suicide. Instead of judging us and talking about it in whispers and I know it happend and does happen. Tell them it’s all going to be okay… That’s what I needed and the thing is I didn’t get it from the people I thought I would. I’ll share my story with you…
I was 18 a senior in highschool. I was always happy go lucky i was always the one who made people laugh. Who helped people get through. I was the one people could depend on to have a smile on her face no matter what. I had a lot of “friends” (you’ll understand “” later) I always had thigns to do on the weekends I had a job I loved. BUt inside i was dying. My past was slowly catching up with me. The things I wish I could have forgoten. But the things that happened to me you never forget. I really did try to be happy. That’s what everyone wanted I was the one who was supposed to have it all togeather. To be the one that took care of everything. Untill one night I had, had enough. I dont remember much I remember taking the pills. Later to find out thank god they were not strong enough to kill me just put me to sleep and make me really loopy. The next few days are all a blur. My friend found me havinig sezires and called my mom. I was rushed to the E.R (i remember none of this) THey started IVs and doing all kinds of test. They discoverd my heart beat was out of controll. Deadly fast. I was rushed to a hopitatl via abluance to a better hospital that had a bed open for me. I dont remember much from the next few days but my family and a few friends by my side crying. This is the hardest part. Knowing I caused my family so much pain. The thing is I didn’t think of all this. I didnt think it by one simple action i would effect all these people. I honestly didn’t think they cared. The thing I have leared from this is who my friends are and that your family is always there no matter what. My best friend of 3 years just walked away saying “it’s too much i can’t deal with it”. Sitting here in my dorm room I still can’t explain to you why I did it. And almost a year has passed. All I can say is that thanks to my amazing support group I have and the friends that didn’t walk away. I couldnt even imagine doing it again. I know now that I have people that are always here for me. Still to this day I am paying for that one action. My parents still fight about who’s fault it is. I lost a lot of my friends. But I know now that people do love me. And it does get better. That all you have to do is hold on. Each day is a stuggle when you are fighting with a mental illness but, you live it. So I just want people to know there is other options. Discover new ways to vent your feelings. I’m sure there is someone you know that cares enough to listen to you. People do love you and care for you. I have two of the best friends in the world. That went through those dark times with me and helped me get back up on my feet back into the light where I belong. Everyday I see small reminders about how amazing life really is. IT DOES GET BETTER hold on. someone is always there for you. And if you dont hear it from other people I LOVE YOU

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