I’m not sure why people think it’s nice to tell me, “You’ll find someone someday. It will be okay.” Even though society has come a long way in accepting variations in relationships, being alone still seems to imply there is something wrong with you. Four years after my divorce I am plenty comfortable saying that I am in no hurry to remarry. I didn’t always feel that way, though!
In the beginning I was tremendously lonely. I had never lived alone before. I didn’t know what to do with myself! The nighttime hours were the worst and I had a lot of difficulty sleeping. I could have accomplished an awful lot of cleaning and organizing but my depression took away my motivation. At just over 40 years old, I felt a sense of desperation to find a relationship so I wouldn’t end up alone for the “rest of my life.”
In desperation we usually make poor choices. After a time I rediscovered my likes and who I am, and I don’t plan to compromise that with a hastily chosen significant other who has the power to mold my co-dependent mind into someone new. I am enjoying my independence, my accomplishments, and making a meal of just brussel sprouts if I feel like it.
That’s not to say I never feel lonely, but I do know how to cope with the feeling. I have goals, art projects, friends, books, and journals to provide distraction and my pets to provide company. Now if I could just stop coddling my 19 year old son… *sigh.* One step at a time.